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 Poetry: June 03, 2009 Issue [#3085] |
  Poetry This week: Taking Up Space Edited by: northernwritesMore Newsletters By This Editor   1. About this Newsletter 2. A Word from our Sponsor 3. Letter from the Editor 4. Editor's Picks 5. A Word from Writing.Com 6. Ask & Answer 7. Removal instructions  Greetings from northernwrites, editor for today's Poetry newsletter. Meter, rhyme, and form are not the only tools available for creating structure in poetry. Everyday things that you have been learning since you were a toddler and ideas cross-pollinated among the arts and sciences can enrich the creative experience and expand the possibilities for discovery. The best thing about them is that it doesn't matter whether you're writing free verse or traditional poetry. Today's newsletter will discuss a cross-pollination between over-stuffed closets and poetry.    Taking Up Space A frequent feature in fantasy tales is the magical, bottomless bag. Mary Poppins had one. When she arrived, she pulled out one thing after another that could not possibly have been inside such a small space, and when she left, they all slid back inside with room to spare. But that's fantasy. In real life, things are different. Everyone knows that the volume of a thing is fixed. Whether it's squeezing one more thing into the refrigerator, or dodging all the junk falling out of your closet, we've all dealt with the problem of finding space where common sense says there is none. When our family goes on a week-long vacation, it's a major challenge to get all the suitcases, the cooler and groceries, and the various necessary oddments packed into the vehicle while still leaving enough space for all the people to be comfortable. Each time, once the pile has been assembled, we go through the ritual: "It's never going to fit." But I do the packing, and we've never had to leave anything behind. The space is finite and fixed, but how much will fit inside is variable and relative up to a point. A state math test I took in high school asked how many tennis balls could fit into a box. The answer changed depending on how you arranged the tennis balls. If you stacked them like cubes, x balls would fit. But quite a few more would fit if you put them in like honeycomb, both within each layer and between the layers. There are ultimate limits, but it's how you use the space that counts. However, there are two sides to that last statement. There's how much you can get into the space, and how accessible it is for someone else to get it out. What if you're not the only one who has to use your crammed-to-the-gills closet? Anyone else won't know what dark recess you tucked every little thing into. If they try to get something out without following the necessary Chinese puzzle of shifting things around, your over-stuffed closet is going to erupt. The alternative is that every time someone wants something out of the closet, you have to go get it for them. That might be a tolerable and necessary solution for going on vacation for a week, but it's seldom workable in real life -- and it's never workable in poetry that's meant to be shared, because we send our poetry out into the world without us. When you are writing a poem, you have a certain amount of information to convey to the reader. You have to determine how big the space of your poem needs to be. Because it doesn't matter what kind of poetry you're writing, we'll call this space your jar. You will need to state some information plainly enough that the reader can understand what's going on. We'll call this primary information your big rocks. The details that provide depth, the secondary information that the reader doesn't need to know to understand the poem, will be the pebbles. Then there is other information that can enrich the poem if the reader becomes aware that it's there. Poetic devices and these supporting pieces of information will be the sand. Before you start writing, it would be nice to know if your jar is the right size to hold your idea -- big enough to get it all in, and small enough that the idea won't rattle around and need filler to keep it in place. If the jar is the right size, then you won't have to start over. How do you tell? You try to put everything in. At this stage, your big rocks don't need to be lines with the right words, rhyme, alliteration, or meter. Some plain sentences that say what you want to convey will do. Notes, in other words. How do you fit everything into your jar? How you pack the space matters. Put the big rocks in first. See if they fit. If not, don't bother with the rest. You need to find a bigger jar, or a jar that has compartments the right size. It doesn't matter what kind of poem it is; there has to be enough space for the big rocks. A bigger jar could be adding more syllables to a line, more lines, more stanzas, or choosing a different form altogether. For today's example, we'll be looking at some variations of a narrative poem I wrote two years ago for "Stormy's poetry newsletter & contest" . The 15-syllable prompt was: humidity (-/- - or -/-/) hours (/) change family (/- -) dance last promise (/-) splashing (/-). That suggested a fictional scenario with 39 syllables of big rocks and 72 syllables of pebbles. Three syllables were repeated from the prompt, making a total of 123 syllables. I'll show you the scenario in a minute. After looking through a bunch of the forms, I picked the "Monchielle" , which has 120 syllables, 102 without the repeats. The poem contains 4 stanzas, 5 lines per stanza, 6 syllables per line. The rhyme scheme is Axbxb Axcxc Axdxd Axexe, where the first line is repeated as the first line of all the other stanzas. I expected the space to be a close fit or perhaps a bit small, but I figured it would be an interesting challenge to see if I could make it work. Since the material was fictional, I could add, subtract, or change it as necessary. Here's the result: "Silver and Gold: The Anniversary Waltz" Splashing water murmured A descant for the dance. The victorola played As fam'ly swirled around Their golden promenade. Splashing water murmured Temptation in the dark Once guests whirled off in twos. "Again?" He turned the crank, And she took off her shoes. Splashing water murmured; Humidity refreshed. While silver cooled their feet, They waltzed around the edge Of Cupid's marble seat. Splashing water murmured A promise meant to last Through years of change, not hours. He kissed her upturned lips: "This time Ah brought you flow'rs." Did the whole idea make it into the poem? Consider whether you could answer the following questions based on what is on the page:  Why didn't he bring her flowers the first time? What kind of flowers did he bring her this time? How are they doing financially now? What's their home like? Where are they? What do they value? Where is he from? Why use a Victrola on this occasion?My first readers had a hard time answering them, although the older readers did better. Here's the scenario: The big rocks: Their fiftieth wedding anniversary party is a dance with their family on their patio. Afterward they dance in their fountain, and he kisses her. The pebbles: The tall Southerner was in the military when they met at the USO club. They got married before he shipped out to the war. He's a jokester. They are unconventional people with a sense of tradition. Now they are well enough off to have nice things. They prefer the simple things. The sand: The first line uses trochaic trimeter, and the rest of each stanza is in iambic trimeter. The s/sh sounds and liquid consonants echo the falling water. Plenty of long, round vowels slow the pace, and the few sharp, unsoftened consonants (k,p,t) are in the middle stanzas where there is more drama. The tone tends toward the mellow and rich. The poem illustrates the big rocks okay, but is too small to get the whole idea on the page. Some of the pebbles are missing. Others are implied rather than given directly, and may not be apparent to every reader. I should have used a bigger jar, but how much bigger? I did some experiments. Since the contest was over, I took out the prompt words that didn't contribute to what I wanted to say. It was a challenge to add a line to the asymmetrical stanza to expand the poem to 144 syllables, 126 without repeats. I came up with several different ways. Some weren't worth trying. Two were workable. This version turned out the best, with a rhyme scheme of Abcbxc Adedxe Afgfxg Ahihxi. Silver and Gold: The Anniversary Waltz (ii) Splashing water murmured A descant for the dance. The old Victrola played A war-time blues romance As fam'ly swirled around Their backyard promenade. Splashing water murmured -- Temptation struck a spark Once guests whirled off in twos, And fireflies lit the dark. "Again?" He turned the crank, And she took off her shoes. Splashing water murmured To tulip heads enmeshed. While silver cooled their feet And memories refreshed, They twirled around the edge Of Cupid's marble seat. Splashing water murmured Love's promise meant to last Through years of change, not hours. To re-create the past, He kissed her upturned lips: "This time Ah brought you flow'rs." This was better, but still left a lot for the reader to guess. In other attempts, I also tried adding an extra stanza or two for the backstory, but that really threw off the balance. Doubling the stanzas might have worked, but in this case, creating another Monchielle as a companion poem provided better options. Two poems allowed me to change the tone to illustrate and emphasize the differences in the couple's situations. I also did some reworking of the original poem. A Descant for the Dance (v) Sparkling water murmured A warning in advance. The soldier twirled his bride: "At dawn we board the ships. We're sailing with the tide." Sparkling water murmured That happiness was chance. She sniffed and held him tight. A promise made to keep: "And every day I'll write." Sparkling water murmured Of ocean's wide expanse. He flicked a dime: "Your wish?" Her finger poked his chest: "Don't sink amongst the fish!" Sparkling water murmured -- Temptation shared a glance. The soldier kissed her long Beneath the courtyard spray While records spun a song. Silver and Gold: The Anniversary Waltz (iv) Splashing water murmured A descant for the dance The old Victrola played As fam'ly swirled around Their backyard promenade. Splashing water murmured Temptation in the dark Once guests whirled off in twos. "Again?" He turned the crank, And she took off her shoes. Splashing water murmured, The potted tulips swayed. While silver cooled their feet, They twirled around the edge Of Cupid's marble seat. Splashing water murmured Love's promise meant to last Through years of change, not hours. He kissed her upturned lips: "This time Ah brought real flow'rs." The sand for the companion poem: Some key words are repeated: promise, temptation, kissed. Sparkling gives a sharper sound to the water. This poem has more sharp consonants and shorter vowels. Overall, the sound of this poem is thinner, reflecting the callowness of youth, in contrast to the mellow richness of old age. It needed something richer to be able to stand equal to the other poem. Using monorhyme in the second lines, which rhymes with the title, increases the significance of the fountain and gives it enough presence to justify the couple's attachment to it and to unite the two poems across the fifty-year span. Neither poem uses the obvious rhyme to the monorhyme, romance. Absence makes the heart grow fonder? (I did warn you he's a jokester.) The variation that my first readers found most appealing was the companion poems because the story was complete. The question posed in Descant for the Dance, whether their love will last, is answered in Silver and Gold: The Anniversary Waltz. With the material divided between the two poems, each has about 40 syllables of big rocks, and they share the remaining 40-odd syllables of pebbles, each contributing something to support those ideas. Next time I write a narrative poem, I'll look for or create a jar that's twice as big as my notes, or three times the size of my big rocks. How Could You Use This Principle?  In reading poetry, you could pause to consider whether a poem has enough space to contain the ideas; for example -- Can you identify the big rocks? Does the poem give you the feeling that you know what it's about, or the feeling that the whole story is not on the page? Are you confused about anything? Can you identify the sequence of events, the setting, and the elements of characterization? Can you see any pebbles? Are they clear or implied, or some of each? Does the poem give enough specific details so you can create a clear picture in your mind, or is the wording vague and general? Does the poem contain more details than you need to create a clear picture? Do the specific details build on each other like a plant growing, or are they separate and disconnected like random jigsaw puzzle pieces? Does the sand work to complete the picture and tie the poem together?[With good poetry, there is usually more to the poem than a first reading will reveal. Whether you're reading traditional poetry or free verse, pausing to observe structural details and to think about what they imply can reveal more of the meaning.]  In writing poetry, you could plan to use a jar of an appropriate size from the beginning; for example: An outline or summary of what the poem is to contain can help you decide what size space you need for the poem. For a narrative poem, a starting guesstimate might be three times the size of the big rocks, or twice the sum of the rocks and pebbles. Over time as you test fit before you write, you should be able to fine-tune the estimate to fit your own writing style. How the space is subdivided can also make a difference. Stanzas often function like paragraphs in prose. Choose a jar with the right number of stanzas. The number of events plus the number of transitions might be a good starting point.  In rewriting poetry, once you have a first draft or freewrite version on the page, you could look for places where this idea could help make your poem stronger; for example: Does the first draft of your poem already depict enough of the big rocks that a reader can readily identify what they are? If not, what else needs to be added to complete the picture? Are the details in the first draft of your poem strong enough and clear enough and just plain enough to accurately point back to the pebbles when the reader doesn't know what those details are supposed to represent? Does each pebble have only one hint, or two or three? If information is implied, readers look for multiple hints to make sure you mean them to read it that way. One hint can be read as random noise or static; two raise the question of whether you mean it, and three say you do mean it. On the other hand, if your first draft contains two or three hints pointing at something you don't mean, then you will probably need to reduce that to one or none to avoid confusing your readers. Does the first draft of your poem have sand that supports the message you are trying to convey? Can the sand be added to or expanded across the whole poem? Is any of the sand extraneous or working at cross purposes with the message of the poem? Can it be eliminated or replaced? In reviewing poetry, you could use the same considerations in analyzing someone else's poetry that you would use for analyzing your own first drafts (see the sections on reading and rewriting, above). Judging whether a poem is in a jar of the right size can be difficult for the poet to do himself because he already has the whole idea of the poem in his head. Simple reader feedback of "this is what I can see/hear in the poem" can answer the poet's question of how much of the idea made it onto the page. Such feedback can be especially valuable for a poem that confuses the reader. If the reader's reflection of the content and message of the poem are not what the poet intended the poem to say, then he knows he still has some work to do. When you write the review, point out what you notice and make suggestions of any possibilities that you see.
Today's picks are about predictions.
Submit an item for consideration in this newsletter! http://www.Writing.Com/main/newsletters.php?action=nli_form  Have an opinion on what you've read here today? Then send the Editor feedback! Find an item that you think would be perfect for showcasing here? Submit it for consideration in the newsletter! http://www.Writing.Com/main/newsletters.php?action=nli_form Don't forget to support our sponsor! InstantPublisher.Com: Self publishing made easy and affordable. All file types accepted with many options. Starting at $100 for 25 copies in 7-10 days! Visit us today!  "In a time of drastic change it is the learners who inherit the future. The learned usually find themselves equipped to live in a world that no longer exists." — Eric Hoffer, American writer, 1902-1983, Reflections on the Human Condition These comments were submitted in response to my previous editorial, The Shape of Change. I appreciate all those who took the time to write in: Submitted By: vindhya jaya Submitted Comment: Each one of your picks is just great as the Newsletter itself. I learned a lot. Thanks so much. NW: Thank you! I'm pleased you enjoyed the reads. Submitted By: ccchaplain Submitted Comment: Wonderful newsletter. Feel like I have attended a class & could stay overtime. Just trying to refress my mind. Has been about a month since I have even checked e-m. Too much counseling {has given me many ideas to put into writing. People are so similar} Thanks for review on Frost. He was a really real writer. NW: Thank you! I'm pleased the newsletter was an educational experience for you. Submitted By: v.vixen Submitted Comment: I am new. This is the first Poetry Newsletter I have viewed and read. You have encouraged me that I came to the "write" place. Thank you for noting Robert Frost's The Road Not Taken. Frost has been a favorite of mine since the late ninetys when I first discovered him. I model a bit of my work from him. NW: Thank you, and welcome to the site! Submitted By: lauriemariepee Submitted Comment: hi, Northernwrites-- thank you for your in-depth exploration of choices in poetry! well-researched and well-written. i learned a lot.  thanks also for featuring one of my poems! a wonderful treat and honor!  NW: Thanks! I'm pleased you learned something new from the newsletter. Submitted By: fleckgirl Submitted Comment: A very well crafted Newsletter NW! Good job!  And I appreciate being featured too! It's an honor~Thanks, Fleck NW: Thanks, and you're welcome! Submitted By: redridinghoo Submitted Comment: I love how you show how to apply the information you share with us in many ways. Thanks! NW: You're welcome, and thank you very much! Submitted By: liseli Submitted Comment: Detailed description of a familiar poem - very helpful in elucidating what I have never noticed about this old favorite. Thanks! Cheers, Em NW: Thank you! I'm pleased you found the newsletter helpful. From: halday Emailed Comment: I thoroughly enjoyed your "Choices" article in the current Poetry Newsletter. When faced with an array of choices, I use the paired-choice matrix to rank the choices. This works well whether there are three choices or thirty choices. Or, heaven forbid, three hundred. B NW: Thank you. I'm pleased you enjoyed it. The paired-choice matrix sounds quite useful. Until our paths cross again, keep writing! northernwrites  To stop receiving this newsletter, go into your account and remove the check from the box beside the specific topic. Be sure to click "Complete Edit" or it will not save your changes. |
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