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 Poetry: December 16, 2009 Issue [#3450] |
  Poetry This issue's editor: northernwrites More Newsletters By This Editor   1. About this Newsletter 2. A Word from our Sponsor 3. Letter from the Editor 4. Editor's Picks 5. A Word from Writing.Com 6. Ask & Answer 7. Removal instructions  Greetings from northernwrites, your editor for today's Poetry newsletter. Meter, rhyme, and form are not the only tools available for creating structure in poetry. Everyday things that you have been learning since you were a toddler and ideas cross-pollinated among the arts and sciences can enrich the creative experience and expand the possibilities for discovery. The best thing about them is that it doesn't matter whether you're writing free verse or traditional poetry. Today's newsletter will discuss a cross-pollination between the all-points bulletin and poetry.    Spiritual Poetry The usefulness of an all-points bulletin sent out after a robbery depends on how good the description is. If the information is detailed enough that someone who was not there can recognize the culprit, there's a good chance that they will be found and arrested. A generic description -- the assumed gender, a wide height and weight range, no idea about skin or hair color, clothing that could be found in anyone's closet, and no information about the make, model, color, or license number of the getaway vehicle -- is probably not going to succeed. A detailed description has a chance. A police artist's sketch is better, but a clear color photograph of the culprit's face is the most effective tool for recognition. Being able to recognize what we're looking for or what we're looking at is an important quality for a poem to have. Some kinds of poems are more likely to achieve this than others. Writing poetry because we have spiritual feelings seems to be something that doesn't depend on what religion or faith practices a person follows. Such poetry has been written since ancient times. The major religions have poetry that is centuries or millennia old, is well known, and is still considered masterwork. Obviously those ancient poets knew how to write spiritual poetry that makes an impact on the reader. The recognition value of their poetry is high, whether it is meant as praise and thanksgiving, or for sharing with those who are seeking answers. In contrast, spiritual poems written today are often quite forgettable with little significant difference between one and the next. That doesn't sit well when the usual desire is to do our best work on this kind of poem. So why does this happen? A large part of it is the expectations people have about the genre. A typical Christian poem written by an amateur poet usually has three closely related characteristics:  It uses the praise vocabulary -- which includes a lot of abstract adjectives. The message is considered more important than the vehicle -- which allows the syntax to be distorted in order to make the rhymes fit. It tells instead of showing -- which often involves abstract words and generalities. Do these characteristics make good poems? Not so much. They cause too many things that a good poem should avoid. Is it possible to write a meaningful Christian poem without breaking the rules of good poetry? Sure. Isaiah set a standard for quality that has yet to be surpassed. David was no slouch either. Other religions also have master poets. Despite the differences in theology, their poetry has many similarities. So what's the difference between today's typical amateur religious poetry and religious poems that have lasted for millennia? Let's look at an example: The 23rd Psalm, A Psalm of David, The Holy Bible: King James Version. The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever. The bold red words are active verbs or verb forms, the regular red words are state of being verbs, and the blue words are nouns. The green words are adjectives, and the pink words are adverbs. The rest are structure words or pronouns. The strength of the poem depends on the quality of the verbs and nouns. Note that everything in Psalm 23, including things that are usually considered abstract, is treated as a concrete object -- righteousness has paths, death has a shadow and a location, life is measured in days, and goodness and mercy can move on their own. Other abstract concepts are represented by actions (active verbs) that show. Instead of telling us, "I have too many blessings," David shows us with an image in motion -- something we can see and touch -- "my cup runneth over." (I discussed this concept in "Poetry Newsletter (February 11, 2009)" .)The two "be" verbs are both used with the subject, the Lord, who is also known as I AM, and who is constant and unchanging. These clauses don't have the usual static quality of "be" statements. The first one isn't static because it represents a choice and commitment (an action) made by David, and it is followed by the blessing for making that choice. The second "be" verb is the cause for a follow-up decision and obedience to a commandment. This one isn't static because of the context -- a person who is with someone who is walking must also be moving. Lines 1 and 7 are paired -- two closely related things, one structured in the reverse of the other. This is a characteristic of Hebrew poetry. Another example in lines 3, 5, and 12, is that the Lord leads him in the first half, and in the second half, he is followed by goodness and mercy. There is balance -- he follows twice, and two things follow him. These paired "be" structures mark the beginnings of the two halves of the poem. The first "be" structure is one line; the second is two lines. All of the "and" structures, compounds of two things, are in the second half. The first one is a compound noun; the second is a compound noun within a clause that is compounded with the next clause -- a double compound. These pieces of structural information illustrate the meaning of the poem. In the first half, the descriptions use concrete nouns and active verbs with some detail, but the second half goes into rich detail. The first half represents the blessings of mortal life. The second represents the more abundant eternal blessings. This reflects the way Christianity views life and the afterlife. The descriptions of the blessings have parallel structures. Each half has three lines that get progressively shorter and simpler, followed by two long lines. The decreasing line lengths function like attention-grabbing arrows to point at important information that follows. And did you notice? There's just one -ly adverb -- pay attention to how it's being used. Its function is to emphasize the truth of the whole statement. Emphasis is something that the Hebrew language doesn't have the ability to do directly the way English has exclamation marks. Hebrew writers have to use other techniques, such as this one, or repeating things. For example, saying "wo, wo" means "pay attention, this is serious," and saying it three times means "this is really, really bad." Only four words are adjectives and only three are adverbs. The rest of the modifiers are prepositional phrases or possessives, or subordinate clauses. The three prepositional phrases in a row, in line 5, would be diagrammed as two serial phrases answering the adverb question where, and a single phrase answering the adverb question why. It doesn't break the rule of thumb I gave in last month's newsletter ("Poetry Newsletter (November 18, 2009)" ) about using only two prepositional phrases in a row, because the third phrase isn't part of the same series -- it has a different function in the sentence. The ones in line 6 are a single series, but with three different elements: a location, an effect, and its cause. The three in line 9 all answer the question where, but make more sense diagrammed as a single followed by a double series. Line 13 has a double series (with two different elements) answering where, followed by a single prepositional phrase answering the adverb question to what extent.In this poem, which doesn't follow a set form, the pattern of the structure that the subject begins the sentence, becomes part of the nonce form. This puts emphasis on the subject, which fits because most of the subjects are the one being praised. However, regarding options for dealing with too many prepositional phrases in a row, if a different form were used, there is the possibility of shifting some of the prepositional phrases to other locations in the clause. Another variation possibility would be to change the order within the series where it doesn't change the meaning. The only verbal, an infinitive clause (it has a subject and predicate modifiers), is used as a noun. The poem doesn't contain any gerunds, or any participles or participle phrases that are so popular in English poems these days, but that can overload the nouns. Is this focus on tangibles and layered structures limited to Christian poets and Christian poems? Not that I've seen. Some examples from other faiths: Mewlana Jalaluddin Rumi: What Hidden Sweetness Is There What hidden sweetness there is in this emptiness of the belly! Man is surely like a lute, no more and no less; For if, for instance, the belly of the lute becomes full, no lament high or low will arise from that full lute. If your brain and belly are on fire through fasting, because of the fire every moment a lament will arise from your breast. Every moment you will burn a thousand veils by that fire; you will mount a hundred steps with zeal and endeavor. Become empty of belly, and weep entreatingly like the reed pipe; become empty of belly, and tell secrets with the reed pen. If your belly is full at the time of concourse, it will bring Satan in place of your reason, an idol in place of the Kaaba. When you keep the fast, good habits gather together before you like slaves and servants and retinue. Keep the fast, for that is Solomon's ring; give not the ring to the div, destroy not your kingdom. Even if your kingdom has gone from your head and your army has fled, your army will rise up, pennants flying above them. The table arrived from heaven to the tents of the fast, by the intervention of the prayers of Jesus, son of Mary. In the fast, be expectant of the table of bounty, for the table of bounty is better than the broth of cabbages. This one shares some of the imagery of the Psalm. From the Dhammapada Through the round of many births I roamed without reward, without rest, seeking the house-builder. Painful is birth again & again. House-builder , you're seen! You will not build a house again. All your rafters broken, the ridge pole destroyed, gone to the Unformed, the mind has come to the end of craving. Thanissaro Bhikkhu, Commentary to the Dhammapada, Verses 153-154 The Iroha, popularly attributed to Kūkai, the Kōbō Daishi, written in man'yōgana , from Konkōmyōsaishōōkyō Ongi 以呂波耳本へ止 千利奴流乎和加 餘多連曽津祢那 良牟有為能於久 耶万計不己衣天 阿佐伎喩女美之 恵比毛勢須 Romanization, Hiragana, and Pronounciation , with the usual line breaks: I Ro Ha Ni Ho He To いろはにほへと Iro wa nioedo Chi Ri Nu Ru Wo ちりぬるを chirinuru o Wa Ka Yo Ta Re So わかよたれそ Wagayo darezo Tsu Ne Na Ra Mu つねならむ tsune naram U Yi No O Ku Ya Ma うゐのおくやま Ui no okuyama Ke Fu Ko E Te けふこえて kyō koete A Sa Ki Yu Me Mi Shi あさきゆめみし Asaki yume miji Ye Hi Mo Se Su ゑひもせす yoimosezu A translation by Prof. Ryűichi Abé: Although its scent still lingers on, the form of a flower has scattered away. For whom will the glory of this world remain unchanged? Arriving today at the yonder side of the deep mountains of evanescent existence We shall never allow ourselves to drift away intoxicated in the world of shallow dreams. The poem is a pangram -- it uses each character in the syllabary of the time exactly once. In addition, the poem contains a hidden sentence. The last syllable of each line as written in man'yōgana, becomes toka [=toga] nakute shisu (咎無くて死す), which means "die without wrong-doing". How Could You Use This Principle?  In reading poetry, you could pause to consider whether a poem follows the example of the master poets, for example -- Did the poem use specific and tangible imagery, or is the poem general or abstract? Did the poem use a lot of "be" verbs, adjectives, or adverbs, or does it focus on strong verbs and nouns? Did anything about the poem remind you of other literary works of that faith? [With good poetry, there is usually more to the poem than a first reading will reveal. Whether you're reading traditional poetry or free verse, pausing to observe structural details and to think about what they imply can reveal more of the meaning.]  In writing poetry, you could plan to use it from the beginning; for example: The usual praise vocabulary includes words like amazed and wonderful that are adjectives (including participles) that tell more than they show. In good poetry, those kinds of words should be avoided. They can be replaced with examples of behavior or actions. The concrete nouns and active verbs in the praise vocabulary will generally work to show. They only have the typical vocabulary concerns of fitting into metrical patterns and blending with the other wording for consistency of diction. Heavily convoluted syntax makes a poem difficult to read. It won't flow in those areas. This makes it obvious that the content exists to serve the rhyme instead of being the other way around. Yet paradoxically, for this kind of a poem the content is considered more important than the form. Natural syntax helps improve a poem. So does making the rhymes sound natural and inevitable. Accomplishing this can mean trying other approaches to the idea and other rhyme options until you find a way to make it behave. Religious poetry has a rich, deep background of scriptural imagery, narratives, and connotation available to draw upon to create additional layers in the poem that don't appear "on" the page. The important thing is that the imagery and content of the poem that does appear on the page is coherent and complete. If the reader picks up on the additional layers, they will be able to enjoy a richer experience. Those who don't see the extras will still have a satisfying read and be able to take something from the poem. To write good religious poetry, pick and choose from the parts of the typical approach that work as poetry, and follow the rules of good poetry for the rest.  In rewriting poetry, once you have a first draft or freewrite version on the page, you could look for places where this idea could help make your poem stronger; for example: Does the first draft of your poem already have any partially completed structures? Would completing the structure make the poem stronger? What does it need to complete the structure? Does the first draft of your poem already have a reference to something in the historical or scriptural background of your faith? Can you make that reference and its usage consistent across the whole poem? Does the first draft of your poem already have any convoluted syntax or forced rhymes? Can you find a smoother way to say that part? In moving from telling to showing during a rewrite, an existing form might be too small a space to contain the thought behind the poem. Another form could be used, or the current form could be altered to make enough room (see "Poetry Newsletter (June 3, 2009)" ).  In reviewing poetry, you could use the same considerations in analyzing someone else's poetry that you would use for analyzing your own first drafts (see the sections on reading and rewriting, above). When you write the review, point out what you notice and make suggestions of any possibilities that you see.
Today's reads are about the winter season and holidays.
Submit an item for consideration in this newsletter! http://www.Writing.Com/main/newsletters.php?action=nli_form  Have an opinion on what you've read here today? Then send the Editor feedback! Find an item that you think would be perfect for showcasing here? Submit it for consideration in the newsletter! http://www.Writing.Com/main/newsletters.php?action=nli_form Don't forget to support our sponsor! InstantPublisher.Com: Self publishing made easy and affordable. All file types accepted with many options. Starting at $100 for 25 copies in 7-10 days! Visit us today!  These comments were submitted in response to my previous editorial in "Poetry Newsletter (November 18, 2009)" on Measured Drawings, on the principle of the natural rules of sentence structures. I appreciate all those who took the time to write in:storytime Submitted Comment: Thanks for putting so much time into your letters, NW. This letter is a keeper for those who need refresher courses on structure--such as I. Again you've shown we need to know the rules before attempting to break them. Thanks. NW: You're welcome! I'm pleased the newsletter was useful for you. love25502 Submitted Comment: Iam very much impressed about the newsletter sent to my box, i hope and pray to learn more of this important fact in the world of poetry-Leonard,South Africa. NW: Thanks! Welcome to the site. fyndorian Submitted Comment: Fabulous, helpful newsletter...one of the ones you save and refer to. NW: Thank you! Until our paths cross again, keep writing! northernwrites  To stop receiving this newsletter, go into your account and remove the check from the box beside the specific topic. Be sure to click "Complete Edit" or it will not save your changes. |
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